It has been so long since I have written and after the last post I'm sure you know why. Recovering from the miscarriage caused a lot of sadness but unexpected blessings too. I felt very introspective about my relationships with God, my husband and my family. The pain caused me to be more compassionate to others with broken hearts. I leaned on others more than usual because I needed them. Physically, my body took a long time to recover. I waited 10 weeks for my first cycle to return when the doctor said 4-6 weeks. So here I am almost 3 months later and starting over again. I'm actually amazed at the mind and the body's capacity to hope for the future and move on from painful things like this. But here I am, changed forever because of it and better in a lot of ways too. Thank you so much for all your lovely comments. They really were balm to my soul in my time of grief. The internet can be such a warm place for friendships and support and I'm grateful for that.
So what's new? I never thought I would say this but, we got cable! Not paying to watch TV was something quirky about me and I somehow convinced G to stand for the same principle. In my defense, I still wouldn't have it if the television shows with the converter box weren't such poor quality. There are some conspiracy theories involving cable companies floating around in our home. The errr errr errr at just the moment we wanted to know what was said was inciting a fury in us that couldn't be healthy. So we finally had our appointment for installation and I'm already addicted.
The most unexpected secret pleasure is watching Tori & Dean's reality show. Why do I love this show? I didn't even like Donna in 90210 but I'm even thinking about reading her books now. Apparently I have been drinking the kool-aid and it's good!
Need I say that the What Not To Wear shows are stacked up in my recording box? I've been eating up every minute of them, especially the part where they go through all their clothes. I love the fights and excuses people make to defend their clothes. It's so amusing and pathetic what they want to hold on to yet I totally understand too.
I think that particular process is a lesson on starting over and how it can be stripping yet rehabilitating in anyone's life. I think that the most essential part is the closet cleaning process in the What Not To Wear show. During the process they argue and try to steal back their clothes because of the association the clothes have with their inner selves. The clothes are their identity because it comprises what they've done, choices they've made, relationships, sizes, etc. We lose all perspective for an item of clothing if it has sentimental value or financial value or even brand value. My Mom won't let go of a Liz Claiborne dress from around 1989 because it was the first brand name dress she ever bought. We all have them though!
When I graduated from college I had the most mismatched, inappropriate for my age (too old) frumpy wardrobe. I went from wearing jeans and sweatshirts to shopping for suits and button down shirts. I remember the day I had to cut off my hemp ankle bracelet to put on pantyhose for an interview! Shopping was even harder because I didn't have a lot of money to spend. All those items went straight on the credit card and a year or so later I was getting rid of many things before I had even paid them off. I bought everything on sale which meant I didn't even get a basic "real" suit with matching pants and jacket. I went to the professional stores like Casual Corner and Petite Sophisticate that had nice clothes but I didn't put them together well.
I think many people develop their wardrobe from shopping here and there picking up bits and pieces that are on sale. Buying a suit can be an investment and it's much more fun to get lots of things instead of two pieces. I wish someone had told me back then that if you start well, then you can build on that. I thought I had to just get a bunch of clothes and that would be fine. So the end result in my closet and those I see on WNTW is the same, a bunch of clothes with no cohesiveness.
A light really came on when I realized that starting over by letting go of the past can be the only way to get to the new you that you want to be. A lot of the women claim in the beginning of the show that clothes don't matter and it's who you are on the inside. After they let go, they see that the inside does change and probably their whole outlook on life too. I see them value themselves more, grow up, and having more confidence.
So how can we take advantage of the transformative effects of starting over? It all starts with cleaning out the old to make room for the new. Imagine Stacey and Clinton were coming to your house. What would we see in your closet? Why not start over by starting now? Clear the way for the new to come into your life by letting go of the old, the polyester and the unzippable.
